I attended a friends baby shower this morning and had a really interesting chat to another friend of hers who is a pre-school teacher. We are now at the stage where just about everyone in our immediate and extended circles of friends have children or are pregnant and so I have accepted that "when are you having kids?" is the norm.
I told her that I will in all likelihood probably not have children as I don't feel ready to give up such a large piece of me and that I am quite honestly too selfish and stuck in my ways and don't see the point of getting into it when its not what I want.
Her response astonished me.
She said that she wished more parents gave more thought to having children and what it all entails as she sees and deals with the result of parents who want the house, pets and 2.5 kids but are not ready to give up or at least adjust their careers, social lives and personal needs and hence ship the kids off to a day care for them to deal with 8-9 hours a day all week.
She says by a Monday many of the parents look haggard and often quite resentful that they have had to deal with their own children ALL weekend.
It was a real eye opener to hear her hands on perspective and made my heart a little sore for the tots who have mommy's that just cant wait to be free of them.
I know enough to know that every parent needs some time out but heck why have them if you are constantly passing the buck?
Food for thought!
5 comments:
My sister didn't want kids and even now is glad she didn't. I wasn't sure but my H did. I like my kids but they are a lot of work.
Lots of kids spend most of their lives at daycare or being with sitters.
All depends on what kind of life you have and if you really want them.
hear, hear (unfortunately for the tots as you say).
Okay that argument would wash if mommy was staying at home to surf the net or meeting her friends for lunch or playing tennis and just dumping her kiddo at daycare for convenience sake but a good percentage of the female workforce are mommy's and daycare is necessary. Some mommy's are divorced and some are the main breadwinner. I have been a working mommy and I have chosen my caregivers carefully. When I was looking for a school for my youngest, I visited 7 schools before I settled on one I was happy with. I dont believe everybody should be a parent and bringing up kids is tough. But daycare's are performing an very necessary and important task and its not easy for moms to leave their kids for that length of time. Interestingly, when I was not working for an extended period of time during the time just before and after I gave birth to my youngest, his two older siblings aged about 8 and 5 at the time started to ask when they could go back to school because they missed their friends and were bored at home! There are always two sides to a story.
Hi Momcat. I totally hear you and please believe I understand the need for day care as you mention so many moms are either single or their salary is desperately needed but I am referring to moms who are claiming they cant cope and ship kiddies off for someone else to care for while they stick to their hair, nails and tennis regime. I also realise the importance of socialising kids even if the mom is at home but my main gripe is this: Do not be shocked at my choice of foregoing motherhood IF you are a mom who has gone into it but now "cant cope" and is leaving the big stuff to a day care mom while you galavant. This particular day care sees many affluent moms who have pretty much opted out and feel it is their right to leave the nitty gritty to someone else. I stand fast that that is not cool.
I also just posted about the whole "When are you gonna have kids?" question.
And my answer (which I'm usually too polite to give) is that having a child now would be my worst nightmare and that I'd rather wait until I'm super keen to have a kidlet and lavish it with love and attention than resent the poor child because I wasn't ready for it when it arrived.
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